Alone

This feeling come again
I feel that no one besides me
Even I'm between lot of people
Or even I'm in crowded situation
I just can sit, dazed, don't do anything
Seems like an autism child...

When I'm in home
I hope that I'll feel more comfort
But, the fact, NOT!
What I've got is...
I feel alone again
very very alone
Like no one loves me
Like I'm not there
I need the care
But, I don't get it
Instead, I feel more alone

One that I can do is...
CRYING!
I don't know how many litre of tears ever fell until today
But, in my prayer
I just can say
God, why I must feel this again?
Take my pain God
I'm not as strong as U know
I'm just an ordinary people
That wants to be happy
to be cared
to be loved
n to let others know that...
I'M HERE

What happened in 2nd semester?

Hoahhh... So happy finally I can pass this semester! WHY? Because I feel this semester is so harder than last semester, for the subjects that hard to learn, n the lectures that so badly give scores for us. Hoahhh but today is the last day of my exam, n I feel so free after that, no more study after that, minimal for next 2 months before the new semester begin, hehe.. Di awal semester baru, g ikut RHB n PLB yg bener2 mngubah hidup g, trutama dalam playanan dan cara berpikir g ttg hidup. Mgkn dulu g slalu mengeluhkan hidup g yg mengapa bgini, mgnapa bgitu, tetapi stlh mengalami pencurahan n pencerahan dari para pembicara, g menyadari ya kalo inilah yg harus g jalanin. Smua yg terjadi ternyata baik adanya n mengajarkan g utk lbh dewasa menjalani hidup. Ckck dahsyat Tuhan 'menampar' g yg slalu keras ini menjadi luluh berkeping2, haha.. (apa coba?!) Tapi ternyata perjuangan tidak sampai di sini. Ternyata stlh ret2 cobaan makin menghadang. Hari2 pertama stlh ret2 g masi bersemangat bgt utk playanan, utk menjalani hidup, tp bgitu sminggu kemudian g ngrasa 'kosong' lagi. G malah tiba2 diterjang setan kl g brasa lelah utk playanan, maklum lah biasa abis PD lgsg pulang, skrg hrs evaluasi dulu, blm ngobrol2nya, makan2nya, dll. Fiuhhh cape rasanya, tp ternyata byk hikmah yg g dpt stlh itu. G mengenal arti kebersamaan dan persahabatan lebih jauh. Thanks GOD g boleh mengenal lebih lagi ama Astrid, Galih, Dian, Rano, Ricca, dlll ( yg ga disebut jgn marah, ini cm sample, klo g sebut populasi tar ga cukup, haha.. ) Ternyata cobaan ga cuma dlm hal playanan. 'kekosongan' jg g rasain di dlm hidup g. Kadang g masi ngerasa 'di mana Tuhan?' Seakan2 Dia pergi di saat g membutuhkan Dia, di saat g ngerasa sendirian lagi, sepi tiada yg menemani, halahhh... ( jd mellow gni?! wkwk.. ) Tp emank tnyata Tuhan ga pernah tidur, Dia tau apa yg g butuhkan di saat2 terkritis g. He sent me 'you' to fill in my days. Dahsyat bgt Tuhan, ga tanggung2 Dia mengenalkan g seorang yg spesial lewat ret2, ckck.. Tapi ya bener2 ga tanggung2 juga cobaan yg Dia berikan utk g sebelum akhirnya g bs bersama si pujangga hati, cieeehhh haha.. Thanks GOD g boleh mengenal lebih lagi seorang Gerson. I wish kita bisa bertumbuh bersama, terutama dlm playanan.. :) Finally I just can THANKS GOD for everything that happened in my life, especially in the 2nd semester for 4 months. Many great days happened! So many n I know I can't stop to thank You for that amazing days! Days by days I feel that Your love never gone, You still there for me. I can find You anytime anywhere in my friendship, in my relationship, in my community, in every steps I take in my days. Now, I just can pray for my next steps, wish it will be the same, You would still be there, protect n bless me! THANKS GOD for everything...